21.6.13
I am literally 'peach faced' right now.I don't know if it's because of the book, or just... yeah I'm not too sure myself. But all I know right now is that my cheeks can only be soothed by my cold hands which have turned into ice after 3 hours of insufficient blood circulation. I think it was the book.
During the last three four chapters, I found myself finding it hard to breathe, as if someone had just dumped a massive load onto my chest which confined me in a tiny, closed space. Some would say that 'maybe it's just your health itself, you should take a walk and breathe in fresh air', but in the end only you yourself know what is truly happening, as only you can understand how your body functions best.
Despite knowing the fact that the ending is quite out of the blue and drowns you in its sudden waves of sorrow, it still got to me. I think reading it again after two years, knowing more about life itself after two years, gaining more insight into relationships after these twos years, has only made me realise three things.
- how ignorant I was of this three hundred and sixty degree change of myself
- these words which were probably meaningless to me two years ago now mean something so close to me
- I think I'm an M. Scratch that, I know I'm an M. Even though I knew the fact that this book has made my heart wrench so many times, I still reread it. And this pisses me off because it reminds me of the times at school when people were like, 'You're definitely an S'. You don't know a single thing about me when I'm outside of school, and everyone puts on a fucking act at school so don't assume shit based on what you see and how I appear. If I tell you I'm a fucking M, then I am a fucking M. You guys must be wondering, why is she getting to heated up over such a weird matter? It just really irritates me when people are so full of themselves, thinking that they know everything, being cocky and spreading shit that isn't even true/concluding to false statements.
I don't know, I can't describe the feelings I have for this book, nor can I do describe the impact it has on me. All I can really say is that, whilst reading these pages drenched with grief, I wondered how the author felt during writing this entire book. He personally takes a lot of shit for his novels because of heartless 'critics' which get paid to lash out at those with fame, so I sincerely hope what comes around goes around.
My cheeks are either disfunctioning right now or I either have a burning fever
