25.7.13
You guys are probably going to judge me, but after going to the interview with the careers adviser, I nearly cried in maths- I don't think I've ever felt this melancholic before, it's as if people had already given up on me before I was even able to try and prove them wrong
- My first instinct was to text someone about it, hoping for something to happen but then I realised that no one could actually help me with this so I resorted to my brother for help. I've never felt this lost before, it was as if I had a directory of where I wanted to go yet I still could not figure out which way I was heading
- Ended up having a 2 hour counselling dinner with Mary
- I guess the difference between talking to your school counsellor and one who you personally know is that they sincerely care about you more? Like Mary is someone (quote my brother) is someone who truly cares about other people, who wants the best for others - which is probably why our dinner lasted so long haha
- Talking to Mary really feels good, because she's easy going, gentle in nature and takes her time explaining things, it gives off a really calming effect
- I think I'm going to cut off any online connections, I don't know, it just feels like people don't need me anyway so my existence or disappearance wouldn't matter anyway haha
- But today really felt like the end of the world to me, I've never been these upset before. And it's funny that when you really need someone to be there for you, there really isn't anyone actually standing there at the end of the road holding their hand out to you
