12.9.13
I all nightered yesterday, hoping to get some work done but I ended up with a blank document lol. Around 6am, I got ready for school but I also came across something that left me in a foul mood during the entire day. I had high hopes that the fresh morning air on my way to the station would clear my head and calm my thoughts but oh was I wrong. I ended up making a panic call to my brother at the station.(Also thank you Jeff for le panz)
I could not have been any more disappointed with my mum. I don't know what she's doing with everything, but why is she sinking again? After all the times that we've helped her get back up, why is she making the same mistakes, over again? I know she doesn't want this to happen, I know I can't blame her either because it has just been a never ending spiral for the past ten years but mum, you've dragged this on for too long. I know you're frustrated even though you don't say anything, I know you always have things weighing down your chest. I know these walks/car trips you take during the night is to clear your head/vent your frustration. I know that if you started the business you've always wanted to do, you'd be much happier and doing a lot better but unless you've actually changed your mindset/prepare yourself officially, then Calvin and I's help won't be any useful. If you keep doing what you're doing now, you're not getting anywhere. Mum, we've given you so many years to stand back up but you just keep falling back down. We both know it's hard for you, especially after all that shit you've been through. No one said it was easy either. You're just going down the wrong path.
I think the part that disappointed me the most was that you didn't resort to your own family first. It was as if you didn't trust us at all. I thought you would have known by now that even though on the outside your problems really frustrate us and does cause an excessive amount of stressing, but as your son and daughter we would be more than happy enough to help you. I know you hate it when your problems stress out the second party, which is why you really dislike it asking Calvin for help, but mum, we are a family- we have to help each other out regardless of the matter, we are meant to be here to help you.
Why can't you just get your head around that
