27.5.14
My table reeks of lead, my eyes are hazed by uncertainty. I can hear my pulse echo throughout my mind as the aftertaste of coffee clings onto the back of my throat. Thump, thump, thump. I rest my head on the table as I inhale the stench of toxic metal, its fumes clouding my conscience. Eventually, I fall sleep.Repeat.
Those who have been reading my blog since the beginning of time will realise the fact that I no longer blog what's on my mind. Instead, I'm recounting the days and nights I spend with different people. In this world, there are two types of readers - those who skim through posts and only look at the photos, and those who will actually read every word and sentence you publish. I'm going to admit that when it comes to people who I'm not personally close to, I only read their blog for their photos. Yes, I read the captions and the little blurbs they include but anything over a paragraph will put me off. Then there are the blogs of your closer friends, the ones that you will read word for word and letter by letter. However, those blogs are quite hard to come by these days. Friends too.
So which one are you?
I think I'm going back to venting about my stresses, problems and worries. You also realise the irony that as you become closer to a person, they'll start caring less about you. It doesn't make sense, I know, but just think about it. When you first befriend someone, someone you want to be close to, you will pay attention to every detail about their lives. If they're feeling down, you will immediately try to consult them and help them out in any way you can. As time passes by, you'll become extremely close with that person as you learn more about them and each and every aspect of their lives. Then you give it a month or two or a year two and then you'll start to realise that this intricate attention will start to lose focus.
Yes, they'll still care for you and take into account the problems that bother you, but they'll treat it like any other matter you have and undermine its importance. It's like as if they get used to the fact that you're always having issues, hence a new problem wouldn't be a biggie, it'll just be like any other problem you've had. I really don't know how to word what I'm trying to say and I would reference this to a person who understands this but things are awkward between him and I.
And for the first time in my life, I felt like I've been betrayed. I don't know. I trusted him too. I trusted him a lot.
