15.7.14
It was like the world was too much for her.- - Joyce Maynard
I become attached too easily.
Even though it was just several nights, I found it difficult to say good bye when the getaway ended. Not even that, but in general - I'll find myself becoming overly-attached to particular people. It's even worse when you fear this attachment in a relationship. Then you wonder why you're scared of it in the first place. I myself know why I dread such connections - I blame my previous relationship.
I don't 'blame' it, but I know it's the result of a lesson I had learnt back in the days. You become too attached, the excitement lasts only for a few months and in the end you see yourself and your partner doing the same things again and again, repeating day after day... to a point where you say to yourself, 'I'm bored of him'. Then things start to feel like a chore, where you dread certain things which you felt so passionate about before. Things then become unbearable and eventually, the relationship dissipates.
There have been many times where I've constantly reminded myself - don't cling on too much, give them space, let them be, stay quiet. But then it feels like I'm going against everything I am... and the moment you're by their side, you immediately forget all of the things which you have been trying to engrave into your mind. Then you start to kick yourself when you've realised how ignorant you were of everything.
I know I shouldn't be, but I'm scared. I really want this to last. Maybe I'm reading the signs wrong, maybe I'm overthinking. But who knows?
What if they feel the same way too?
What if they're also tired of my shit?
Will it end up in annoyance?
What are the boundaries?
Let the distancing begin.
